


Ground Hog Day

by CaptainLyssa



Series: Captain's Prerogative Universe [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Drama, Captains Prerogative Universe, F/M, Family Dynamics, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:27:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22067011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLyssa/pseuds/CaptainLyssa
Summary: Lt. Paris wakes up, having done the worst thing he can possibly imagine. Only his day is about to get more and more complicated, not to mention his week, month and possibly year.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris
Series: Captain's Prerogative Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588462
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	1. Setting the Scene

**Author's Note:**

> I also publish over at FFnet. However, because one of my works has been repurposed by another author, I have decided to publish here as well. I hope you enjoy. I will be uploading all my completed stories in time.

“Captain,” Tom jumped from the bed and shouted, only to discover he was stark naked. Attempting to cover his private regions with his hands, he forwent running his agitated digits through is hair.

The sudden and shocking revelation hit Lt. Paris. _These are not my quarters_.

“Come back to bed, Tom,” Captain Kathryn Janeway purred, her voice thick with fatigue and something more intimate.

Confounded, Lt. Paris didn’t quite know where to look or what to do. His mind working at lightning speed, it seemed whatever lead to this assignation had been reciprocated, not that it excused his lack of all good judgement. Yesterday, _Voyager_ had been attacked by the Kazon-Nistrim in a battle lasting well over twenty hours. Finally released from duty, he’d fallen into his bed exhausted and alone.

When her husband’s body didn’t hit the mattress beside her, Mrs. Paris allowed one eye to crack open as she turned over. Standing beside their bed, her spouse’s expression one of utter panic, Tom shivered slightly in the early morning without a stich on. Allowing a cat like smile to cover her lips, she patted the space still warm from his body heat and happily observed his physique.

“I might even allow you to demonstrate what you can do with that,” Kathryn’s smile widened as she searched for the phrase, “what is your archaic term, morning glory?”

“Captain,” Tom Paris yelped.

**_Obviously_** , the woman was under some sort of alien influence. Tom didn’t quite know where to look. Not at the floor which held two red shouldered Starfleet uniforms hurriedly removed and scattered in all directions. Not at the chair beside Kathryn Janeway’s bed, happily displaying a silky negligee and matching robe. Most defiantly, not at the nude woman making suggestions with her eyes and lips.

“What is the matter,” Kathryn sighed, finally sitting up and taking a long, hard look at her husband.

“I,” Paris stammered, before finally gathering his wits and clothing scattered on the floor. “I don’t know what to say,” he apologised hurriedly, stepping into his trousers and stuffing his underwear into the pockets. His turtle neck came next, followed quickly by his jacket. This was like the warp ten fiasco all over again, waking up in sick bay to find he’d not only abducted the Captain, but mated with her. “I won’t breathe a word of this, to anyone, I promise.”

With that, Thomas Eugene Paris fled from the captain’s quarters. He didn’t bother to look back at the astounded woman still sitting with the sheets falling to her waist, exposing her more womanly attributes. Barrelling out of the door, who else but Commander Chakotay sauntered down the passage from the turbolift to his own quarters on the same deck.

“Going somewhere, Paris?” the older man enquired with a smirk.

They’d played hide and seek with their latest enemy over three shifts. Captain and Commander Paris remained at their stations throughout the confrontation. When _Voyager_ was finally in less hostile territory, Kathryn turned the bridge over to her First Officer for the next watch. Chakotay had taken a break between skirmishes, allowing him to get the repairs started and give the exhausted command team a well-earned rest.

“No, Sir,” Tom stammered, his eyes wide with shock. “That is, yes, Sir. Excuse me.”

Once again Thomas Eugene Paris didn’t bother to look behind himself as he bolted for the end of the corridor and called the turbolift. Luckily it hadn’t moved after the First Officer exited a few seconds earlier. Commander Chakotay watched with amused eyes and a shake of his head. Not sure what had occurred between the Captain and her husband, it had obviously discomposed the Intelligence Officer completely.

Just as the lift doors opened, allowing Tom to escape with an audible sigh, Kathryn Paris appeared at her door in rather revelling night attire. Before she could call after her husband, Chakotay allowed his eyebrow to rise questioningly. A trait he’d picked up from both Kathryn and Tuvok over the last two years.

“What did you say?” the First Officer enquired with a slight drollness in his tone, while pointing to the closed doors. He was secretly amused by this situation. “You’ve both been off the bridge for less than six hours. Surely Commander Paris isn’t in a rush to get repairs complete!”

“I have no idea,” Kathryn looked and sounded stunned, her gaze flicking between the man before her and the one who’d disappeared into the turbolift.

“I’ve never seen Paris run from your quarters like a frightened rabbit before,” Chakotay finally sobered, noticing the stunned expression in the Captain’s grey orbs. “Has something happened?”

“No,” Kathryn became quiet and thoughtful while her heart rate increased at Chakotay’s suggestion. _If anything, Tom’s always known exactly what he wanted and gone out of his way to get it._ “I get the feeling something’s not right.”

The First Officer considered the situation. Tom Paris hadn’t been acting any differently over the last few days. He appeared exhausted at the end of his very long shift yesterday, but no more so than the Captain who’d shouldered the responsibility for the entire ship. Tapping his comm badge, Chakotay requested, “location of Commander Paris.”

“Commander Paris is on deck four, section beta one.”

Allowing his hand to sweep before him, Chakotay offered, “shall we?”

“Perhaps you could wait until I’ve changed,” the Captain stated, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “I don’t think I’d ever retain my reputation, chasing after my husband in a peach coloured negligee.”

“Producing three children in three days after the warp 10 trials,” Chakotay managed to keep a straight face, “I don’t think anyone on _Voyager_ questions the veracity of your, ahm, more intimate life.”

Captain Paris’s expression stated _that will be enough out of you!_ “Speaking of offspring,” Kathryn sighed, “where are my children? As much as I wanted to see them last night, Tom and I fell into bed when the Nistrim finished with us!”

“Exactly where they should be,” Chakotay smirked. He ensured _Voyager’s_ children were not removed until the all clear was given and the ship was in non-hostile space. “Kes returned all our children to their respective quarters a few hours ago. She chose to stay in the Nursery with Grace, Jane and Edward until you and Tom woke this morning”

Nodding, Kathryn Paris re-entered her apartment, diverting to the small room at the other end. Initially it had been a lounge for the VIP cabins on this deck, as _Voyager’s_ design called for ferrying dignitaries around the Alpha quadrant. When their offspring were returned to human form, along with their parents, the extra room had been added to the Captain’s quarters as a nursery with its own entry for the roster of care givers required to care for triplets. Another area on deck 9A, near Tom’s Intelligence office had been redesigned as a panic room for _Voyager’s_ five children when the vessel was under attack. So far, they’d had to use it twice.

“Kes,” Kathryn greeted the young Ocampan woman currently on duty with her children. “How are my brood this morning?”

“Fussy,” she smiled. “They missed you yesterday. It’s not easy communicating with a trio of one-year old’s, especially when they don’t understand why their parents are needed on the bridge during an emergency.”

“Thankfully we have you,” the Captain stopped at each cot, stroking the cheek of each child, “and your telepathic abilities to keep all the children calm during a crisis. I’m going to have to ask you to stay a little longer.”

Nodding her agreement, Kes stated, “is something wrong with Tom?”

“I’m not sure,” Kathryn watched the younger woman closely. Kes’s abilities had saved _Voyager_ and her crew on many occasions. “What do you sense?”

“Confusion,” Kes responded. “Bewilderment, fear. They are unusual emotions for the Commander.”

“EMH to the Captain,” Kathryn’s comm badge chirped.

“Go ahead.” The Captain watched Kes, the younger woman’s eyes. curious.

“I’ve just received a medical emergency beam out for Commander Paris,” the doctor stated

“On my way. Captain out.” Taking one last long look at the three sleeping children, Kathryn Paris sighed. “I’ll be a quick as I can. I’d actually like to spend some of my day off at home with my family.”

  
  



	2. Realisations

Leaning against the wall of the turbolift, Tom Paris allowed the cool metal alloy to seep into his overheated cheeks. Never had he been so embarrassed in his life. “I can’t believe I slept with the Captain,” the Lieutenant muttered under his breath. His mind silently supplied _again_ , not that he’d been in his right mind the first time. “You’ve sure done some stupid things in your life, Paris, but this would have to take the cake.”

Hearing the doors hiss open, Tom staggered down the hall towards his quarters. Passing two crew members, they nodded respectfully, one murmuring “Commander”. Believing he’d misheard, Tom finally stood before the entrance to his billet. Entering his code, the panel beeped and denied him access. The same results greeting Lt. Paris on the second, third and even fourth attempts, Tom wondered if Harry or Torres were playing a trick on him. It wouldn’t be the first time, especially were the engineer was concerned. Besides, if either requested his location last night, they’d know of his major indiscretion. Not wanting to consider the possibility, Lt. Paris’s frustration ballooned. More than a little embarrassed, Tom’s anger spilt over. He just wanted to bury his head in his pillows and try to forget this day ever happened. Pummelling the door, the portal opened to a stunned Lieutenant Helena Pilsen.

“Com…Commander Paris,” the young woman stumbled. Flicking her gaze back into the room, Tom understood why. Crewman Hughes was similarly attired in little more than Starfleet regulation underwear. A commissioned officer could not start an affair with enlisted personnel. “I can explain, Sir.”

Shaking his head, Tom couldn’t manage to string together a sentence. Somewhere in his brain the facts were finally starting to coalesce. Until last night, he’d resided on deck four as Lt. Thomas Paris. Yet, these quarters weren’t his. Nothing about the room looked familiar. His prints on the walls, the collections he’d spent valuable rations acquiring were nowhere to be seen. The interior was, feminine, even though it held Starfleet standard furniture. For some reason, he shared a bed, and quarters with the Captain. Although panicked when leaving, Tom could picture several items of art within the cabin consistent with his personality. It seemed his rank was now Commander and he had a deep, personal connection to Kathryn Janeway. It was all very confusing, as if he’d arrived in an alternative reality.

Tapping his comm badge, Paris said the words that drove fear into Lt. Pilsen. “Medical emergency, beam me to sick bay.” Before the transporter caught him in the buffer, Tom smiled at Helena. “Your secrets save with me, Lieutenant.”

“Captain, Commander,” the EMH greeted without looking up, one hand waving a probe over Tom’s prostrate body, a medical tricorder in the other. “Mr. Paris has been in my care for less than ninety seconds,” he warned.

Kathryn Paris rushed out of her quarters when informed of her husband’s sojourn to Sickbay. Tom hated the place and would do almost anything to stay out of the doctor’s way. After a hurried changed of clothing, Kathryn informed Commander Chakotay of their new plans. The Captain and her First Officer made their way to deck six, only to find Tom looking relaxed, his eyes closed and his breathing steady as he lay calmly on the biobed.

“Well,” Tom demanded, understanding the Captain and Chakotay had entered the room. They would need to hear the Doctor’s opinion if Paris had any chance of getting back to his own reality.

“There are no temporal signatures, no quantum fluctuations, no anomalies of any kind, Mr Paris,” the EMH sighed. “I’m really not sure what you expect me to find, Commander. I’m afraid I must conclude you are not from another dimension or time line. Even your memory engrams are completely intact.”

“If that’s so,” Tom cracked his eyelids open, shook his head in disbelief and sat up slowly, making eye contact with each person in the room to indicate the seriousness of his assertions, “why did I wake up in quarters on deck three when mine are on deck four? Why is Lt. Pilsen assigned to my billet? Why is everyone addressing me as Commander Paris when they know I’m a lowly Lieutenant assigned to the conn? The story of my court marshal and discharge from Starfleet hit _Voyager_ before I did. Everyone knows I’m the Captain’s reclamation project.”

“Tom,” Kathryn Paris came to sit beside her husband, laying a familiar hand on his thigh. When he flinched, she stood with a concerned expression on her face. Both the Doctor and Chakotay’s glances mirrored the Captain’s.

“I know I’m still on _Voyager_. We’re in the Delta quadrant, right?” Tom asked, trying to establish some familiarity, a point of reference for when these changes might have occurred.

Chakotay nodded, his chocolate brown eyes scrutinising the younger man. Tom’s confusion was obvious, as were the subtle changes in his personality if you looked closely. For whatever reason, Commander Paris believed the story he was telling.

“The Maquis joined the crew after Val Jean was destroyed?” Tom requested further information with a frown.

Taking over the conversation from an astonished Mrs. Paris, Chakotay approached the perplexed man cautiously. “The Caretaker brought us to the Delta quadrant two years ago. Both _Val Jean_ and _Voyager_ were swept up in the same displacement wave.”

“ _Val Jean_ disappeared six days before Captain Janeway came to get me out of Auckland,” Tom retorted, closing his eyes to recount the incident. “It took as another eight days at high warp to reach the Badlands. We were at least two weeks behind you.”

The only answer came in the form of Kathryn, Chakotay and the Doctor glancing at one another again. Obviously, there were significant differences in this time line. No matter what the doctor stated, Tom had to establish how far back those differences went so he could formulate a plan to get home.

“I served with you on _Liberty_ ,” this time Paris examined to the First Officer’s reaction to his words. To say both men were bewildered would have been the understatement of the year. “I joined your crew a month before being captured by the Federation and sentenced to rehabilitation for treason.”

“No,” Chakotay’s tone remained calm while his dark eyes continued to scrutinise the man before him. This was not the Tom Paris he knew. The man was less self-assured and confident. A glance at the Captain proved she’d been rendered speechless by the changes in her husband. “You infiltrated my crew on _Val Jean_ as disgraced Ex-Starfleet cadet Nick Locarno six months before we were swept up by the Caretakers displacement wave. That was your cover as part of an Intelligence mission to expose Cardassian infractions against the treaty with the Federation. I became aware of you true identity, and allegiance, when we beamed on board _Voyager_.”

Tom became agitated as he noticed subtle differences in sickbay indicating the truth of his current predicament. His memory recalling the same effect in his quarters, and undoubtedly, the Captain’s as well. It all added up to one gigantic anomaly without a shred of proof.

“That’s not the way it happened,” Tom argued, his eyes suddenly beseeching. He wanted, needed the three officers standing before him to understand he wasn’t making this up. “Captain Janeway came to the rehab colony in Auckland and asked me to turn traitor against the Maquis. I came aboard as an observer. Only after Lt. Stadi was killed, and the array destroyed, the Captain made me chief Conn Officer and reinstated my rank.”

“Tom,” Kathryn spoke for the first time, her voice deep with the effort to keep her emotions in check, “why were you discharged from Starfleet and when?”

“Nine years ago,” Paris sighed, hoping they’d believe him if he told them about his history. “I’d graduated three years before and served on the Exeter. We called into Caldik Prime and there was a shuttle accident. Three officers were killed. I finally admitted to pilot error six months later when I couldn’t live with myself.”

“Tom,” Kathryn once again approached the man, obviously heart broken by his version of events, “we were married a week after you graduated. Our first posting was on Olympia. We decided not to take a posting on Caldik Prime, or any other base. It wasn’t a good choice for either of our career prospects. We’d been married four years and just lost our first pregnancy, which was the reason for even considering a land-based assignment. We decided to put off having children for a few years.”

Stunned, Paris finally noticed the gold bands on their right fingers. Clearing his throat, Chakotay motioned towards the door. He wanted to leave the Captain and her husband alone, giving them time to uncover what had happened to Tom. Nodding her understanding, Kathryn returned her full and undivided attention to the man before her.

“I haven’t used Janeway since our marriage,” the Captain stated. “You really don’t remember any of this,” looking deeply into his eyes, Kathryn saw the confusion, “do you?”

“No,” Tom whispered. “At least, it’s not my history, the one that’s in my head. Until we met in Auckland, I only of knew of you through my father. You were like the son he always wanted, doing everything he expected of me. I think I hated you for that, or at least the thought of you.”

“I’ll do a deep engram scan,” the EMH offered, listening in the background to the conversation. He didn’t need Kes’s intuition to recognise Captain or Commander Paris’s shock. “Other than that, I’m at a loss to explain this event.”

“I’m sure we’ll come up with something,” Kathryn agreed. As much as she didn’t want to, there were three lives depending on her and they needed her now in a way her husband didn’t. “I’ll be in my quarters, if you uncover anything.”

Nodding, the EMH pushed Mr. Paris back onto the biobed. “It looks like you’re not going anywhere,” he stated, gathering more equipment.

Sighing, Tom really didn’t mind. He needed time to consider every possibility, including the one where he’d be trapped in this reality for the remainder of his life. Closing his eyes, fatigue overtook him. He woke later the same day, suffered through the EMH tests, then the doctor’s conference with Captain in the office, obviously discussing him. Turning over, Lt. Paris ignored them, concentrating on what he’d learnt so far. It wasn’t much, but this Tom Paris seemed to have a happy, less complicated history. He rather envied the man.


	3. Self Discovery

Waking up slowly, Tom recalled the events of yesterday with alacrity. The EHM’s deep engram scan showed nothing. Confused by the finding, Paris found himself unable to return to sleep after the Captain left Sickbay. He had too much on his mind, most notably, how to get back to his reality. Requesting access to _Voyager’s_ logs he learnt **_this_** _Voyager_ had gone through the same events as his own. It seemed the only major difference was his history prior to being swept into the Delta quadrant.

Finally allowing his chaotic mind to process the reality of his current surroundings, Lt. Paris appreciated that the bed he occupied was too soft for Sickbay. The warm body wrapped around him felt strange. Despite his reputation, Tom didn’t share is bed very often. Refusing to move until all his senses coalesced, one eye finally opened, only to find he’d once again woken in the Captain’s quarters with Kathryn Janeway enfolded in his arms. After learning of their, supposed, twelve-year marriage yesterday, he silently and gently extracted himself. Feeling lost and lonelier than he could imagine, even with his deplorable personal history, Tom dressed quickly and headed out.

Each time a crew member passed, they respectfully nodded and murmured “Commander”, which caused the Lieutenant to flinch slightly. A strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, Tom requested the stardate. It took a few minutes questioning to establish that it was, actually, yesterday.

 _I’m living the same day over again_? Tom’s mind couldn’t quite grasp the concept, or at least that this event was occurring solely to him. Stopping in the middle of the corridor, Lt. Paris watched the early morning activity around him. None of the faces demonstrated the same astonishment. _I’m the only one living the same day over again!_

Requesting the location of his friends, Harry was off duty, in his quarters, and most probably sleeping off his twenty-hour shift on the bridge yesterday. Tom admired Ensign Kim’s ability to concentrate on, then react to react to, the sensors constant data stream in a battle. B’Elanna, on the other hand would be in her engine room, ensuring the repairs went as smoothly and quickly as possible. No help from that quarter. Besides, did either one of them even talk to him on this _Voyager,_ being several levels of rank lower? Was that the reason Chakotay seemed to be pleasant toward him, because he outranked the Maquis leader? Then why did his collar remain pip less, as it had while an Observer, and yet the crew addressed him as Commander?

Sauntering into the mess, Tom really didn’t feel like eating, which was just as well. It held the same Leola root-based fare with Neelix as the cook and self-appointed moral officer. Unable to stomach the Talaxian’s food or joviality, Tom’s new rank meant most of the crew avoided sitting with him, unless invited to do so. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone anyway. Mr. Paris wanted to watch and gather information, all those small details he’d missed the day before. What he needed was data on this reality and more particularly, Commander Thomas Paris.

“Computer, where is the most secluded computer terminal that I can access?” he asked, while attempting to force what passed for breakfast down his throat and continuing to observed the people around him.

“Deck 9A.”

To his shock and delight, Tom Paris came across the empty space that should have held the Captain’s yacht. Instead a streamlined desk had been set up in the middle of the open area. Sitting down, the interface reacted to his fingerprint and voice immediately. Lt. Thomas Paris spent the rest of the day trolling through the personal and professional logs of his alter ego after discovering he could erect a forcefield no one on Voyager could penetrate, not even the Captain. So much was the same, at least the events occurring on this vessel. It was his personal history before Captain Jan….Paris, his wife in this reality, came to extract him from Auckland that differed so completely.

“This Tom Paris is one lucky SOB,” Tom muttered under his breath. Asking the computer for the time, he realised he been at this for over twelve hours and had only delved into the first year of _Voyager’s_ journey into the Delta quadrant. Glancing at the terminal, Paris found over twenty messages from the Captain, EMH and even Chakotay. They all contained the same concern for his welfare. Ignoring them, Tom sighed, resting his head against the cool surface. Lt. Paris decided to sleep right here tonight and face his new reality tomorrow. “The rest of this _Voyager’s_ history will have to wait,” he smirked, wondering if he’d relive the same day yet again.

His third day started out just as the last two, only Tom Paris was more prepared. Opening his eyes slowly, he became aware of the naked body curled up beside him. Turning his head slightly, Lt. Paris was greeted by the sight of a slumbering Captain. Taking the time to look, he noticed the slight differences in Kathryn Janeway.

“Paris,” he reminded himself, lifting his right hand and noticing the gold band on his wedding finger. “Captain Paris. Computer,” Tom called softly, “stardate?”

Somehow, he was prepared for the answer when it came. He’d woken up to yesterday, yet again. Tom slipped out of bed with every intention of continuing his exploration of this Tom Paris’s life. Changing into a new uniform, he left a message for Kate. That was the name Commander Paris used for his wife in his personal logs.

“Captain to Paris,” the com issued from his badge three hours later.

Muttering under his breath, it seemed Lt. Paris forgot to erect the privacy force field. _Still,_ Tom considered, _I have enough information to fudge my way through a normal day. I hope! If not, I can try again tomorrow._

“Go ahead,” Tom answered, stopping himself from adding Captain in a respectful tone. In the background he could hear the howling of a baby. Furiously scanning Commander Paris’s personal file, Tom’s stomach dropped. He found exactly what he’d suspected. In his time line, he’d abducted and mated with his wife to produce three offspring after the warp ten trials. However, Chakotay hadn’t left them on the planet. It seemed the addition of triplets to the Paris family had been a given for a couple married more than eleven years and still childless.

“I was under the impression,” Kathryn sounded amused rather than annoyed as her voice echoed in the empty room, “today being the only time we have off together for the next fortnight, we’ve booked the holodeck to spend some family time in your new simulation.”

Thinking fast, and reading faster, Tom came up with a plan to ditch Commander Paris’s family obligations, discarding it immediately. Letting Kate deal with getting three one-year olds ready for the day alone was not fair. Stephany, his sister had three boys whom Tom had looked after on several occasions while a cadet. She only had one set of twins and an older boy. “Any chance I can meet you at the Holodeck?” he asked in a nervous tone.

“Not likely. Edward is crying for his father and Jane’s refusing to get dressed until daddy dose that thing with her,” Kathryn sighed. “At least Grace is compliant, most of the time. Our children, out of necessity, spent all day yesterday in the Panic room with Kes and the other _Voyager_ kids. We owe them this, Tom.”

“I’ll be up in a few minutes,” Lt. Paris agreed, hoping the Captain…Kate, missed the quiver in his voice.

Just how he managed to bungle his way through the morning without giving himself away, Tom couldn’t guess. A few times he noticed one of the children looking up at him curiously before he distracted them with a tickle, or throwing them in the air. It wasn’t until they tired, that Captain Paris suspected all was not well with her husband.

“Tom,” she handed him both sleepy girls, picking up their son. The look said enough.

“I need to do some work this afternoon, Kate,” he hedged.

Obviously, this Tom Paris and his wife had a very trusting relationship and active intimate life. Not that the thought about Captain Janeway in a more carnal respect, especially after the warp ten fiasco hadn’t crossed his mind. Mr. Paris, like many other men on this vessel, appreciated the woman behind the Captain. Giving him a second chance at redemption, Tom had hoped all the small touches might mean something more, a chance to know Kathryn Janeway on a personal level. It didn’t take long to realise Kathryn Janeway was a very tactile person, with everyone.

“I was hoping we might get some time alone, with these little monsters asleep for the next ninety minutes,” the Captain’s suggestion sounded inviting in her low, sultry voice.

Making a conscious decision, Tom Paris lent down and pecked Kate on her lips. His arms full, it was all he could manage, all he was prepared for at this time. Maybe, as he suspected, this day would repeat over and over again and he’d become more comfortable with the enforced intimacy. The question he asked himself was why? Why would he relive the same day multiple times? Would it ever end? If so, what was he supposed to learn from it? That night settling into bed beside his wife, Tom finally understood how lucky Commander Paris had been in his choice of life partner. Kate Paris understood him in a way no one had ever bothered to appreciate.

“Tom,” Kathryn snuggled up to her husband, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he whispered. Comprehending this would only open a can of worms he wasn’t prepared for, Lt. Paris softly kissed his Captain on the forehead. “I just have a lot on my mind after the Nistrim attack.”

“Anything I can help you with?” she asked, moving to look down at her husband.

“No,” sighing, Tom tightened his arm around Kate’s waist. “I suspect a solution will appear before long.”

“I’m not going to get what I want from you in this mood,” Kathryn Paris sighed, placing a hand over her husband’s chest, “am I.”

“Not tonight,” Tom smiled. In the dim room, he was glad she couldn’t see his embarrassment. However, Mr. Paris suspected it wouldn’t take long to get use to this closeness, this respect and the love radiating from the woman at his side.

Waking with a start, Tom Paris immediately asked for the Stardate when he found Kathryn Paris wrapped around his body and gold bands on both their fingers for the fourth morning in a row. He wasn’t surprised to find himself living the same day yet again. Making his way carefully to the nursery, three tiny lives slept peacefully in their cots.

“Kes,” Tom smiled at the Ocampan woman before scooping up the little boy from his cot. “You’ve been here all night.”

She looked up at him with a curious expression. “Yes. Harry didn’t mind spending the night with our children while I looked after yours. He missed Andrew and Linnis yesterday. I believe my husband was glad to make sure they were safe.” Pausing to watch Tom with the baby in his arm, Kes smiled. “I remember when mine were that small, not that it lasted long. I’ll be glad to get home to them.”

“Can I ask you something?” When she nodded, Tom closed his eyes while holding his son cradled against his chest. He really needed to add Harry and B’Elanna’s history into any future searches. “Why would I be living the same day over and over again?”

“Are you?” Kes asked, intrigued by the question.

“Yes,” Tom sighed. Indicating the child in his embrace, Paris stated a little mournfully, “this is not my life. None of this is real to me. It’s like a dream come true with my history. A wife, kids, everything I always wanted. I screwed up my life so badly, no woman would want me.”

“Maybe you’re being given the opportunity to make amends,” Kes answered softly, feeling the waves of confusion emanating from Tom.

“Thanks for staying last night,” Tom smiled, indicating she should go to her own family, “especially as you are neglecting your own kids.”

“You and the Captain saved us all yesterday,” Kes returned, laying a soothing hand on Tom’s arm. “It’s the least I, or anyone of _Voyager’s_ crew can do for you.”

“Apparently we have family time on the holodeck today,” Tom spoke before the Ocampan reached the door.

“Yes,” Kes turned, sensing the man’s mixed emotions. “You’ve insisted on it when the children returned to their human form. It took some time for the Captain to agree.”

“Kate,” Tom frowned. “I’m not sure what to do about, well, my wife. It’s strange, suddenly having a family when I’ve been on my own so long.”

Nodding, Kes knew she needed to leave the man to his complex and complicated thoughts. The moment the Ocampan left, Tom sat in the comfortable chair, his son cradled in his arms and watched his daughters tiny bodies breathe softly. Picking up the PADD on the side table, he flicked through the images. They contained a pictorial history of the last year. Each scene contained at least one of the children, often with either Kate or himself in the frame, smiling happily. He liked the group holo, obviously taken a few weeks previously the best.

“I can’t believe they’re still asleep,” Kathryn spoke as softly as she’d entered the nursery almost an hour later. Leaning down she kissed her husband before going to the nearest crib and looking at the child within.

“Yesterday had to be hard on them,” Tom sighed, hoping the woman would open up to him. “We were on duty for twenty hours while the Nistrim attacked.”

“I hate the fact they came into this world the way they did,” Kathryn turned and fell into her husband’s lap, careful not to disturb her sleeping son. “We lost two pregnancies and our first child is still in the Alpha quadrant. Yet we have them. Somehow it doesn’t seem fair.”

Taking in the words, Tom drew the woman into his embrace. He knew enough about women in general to understand when they needed comfort. Still, the comment about another child in the Alpha quadrant shocked him. Laying his lips on Kate’s red hair, he kissed her unconsciously, feeling the guilt welling.

“Enough of these melancholy thoughts,” he attempted to change the gloomy atmosphere. “Today is family day. I have something special planed.”

“You’ve finished the new program?” Kate sounded slightly intrigued and excited. “I’ll go for a shower. By the time we’re ready, these three will be demanding their breakfast.”

Smiling, Tom watched his Captain lever herself off his knee. Feeling strangely bereft of the company, he down loaded his personal and professional logs onto the PADD before slipping it into his pocket. This morning his children would keep him busy. This afternoon, Lt. Thomas Paris had every intention of continuing his study on the man whose life now seem to be his, along with a select group of friends and colleagues.


	4. Repetitions

Day 5: Tom woke, once again, with Kathryn Paris wrapped around his naked body. Obviously following the patterns of the last four days wasn’t going to break this cycle. He had to try something different, something new. By the time his wife rose, he had the three children washed, dressed and fed. Instead of going to the holodeck, they spent the morning in their quarters. Enticing Kate to talk about their past was easier than Tom imagined. Kathryn Janeway had never been this relaxed around any of her crew. The banter came easily, until Tom stated he needed to work all afternoon. Unhappy, his wife let him go, which spoke volume about the trust in their relationship, even if her eyes narrowed slightly.

In his Intelligence office he finally opened the confidential files. It made him comprehend the duality of real Commander Tom Paris. He couldn’t conceive of half the missions this man completed. Yet, if he was trapped in this reality, maybe he needed to become this individual instead of an imposter. With this thought, Tom designed a holo-training routine to bring his skills to the level of a newly graduated Intelligence officer. Ten years field experience would take longer and he hoped Commander Paris had left his own programs.

“This is going to take me months, if not years,” he complained on exiting the holodeck later that evening. “Even then I’m not sure I could achieve half the missions this man has!”

“Commander,” Harry nodded, holding the hands of two children that seemed to be eight or nine Terran years old. The group waited patiently for their turn on the holodeck. The boy had very Asian genes and looked like a younger version of Mr. Kim. The girl’s mop of golden hair and blue eyes in tan skin make her a perfect mix of her parents. Both carried Ocampan ears. “Say hello to Uncle Tom,” Harry smiled down at the kids.

“Ensign,” Tom returned with a wide smile. He’d read about Kes’s eulogium when they passed through a swarm of pheromone secreting aliens. She’d asked Harry to help her conceive, not Neelix, which lead to a fight between the men in the mess. Harry agreed, but only if they married and created a real family. It seemed the decision had been a good one for all involved. “Andrew, Linnis,” Tom crouched down to the children’s level. “Thank you for lending your mother last night. I appreciate it.”

“Your welcome,” Andrew stated, before tugging on his father’s hand. “Dad, can Uncle Tom and the triplets join us, please.”

“I want mom and Aunty Kate too,” Linnis whined as only an eight-year-old girl can when attempting to get her way.

“What do you say?” Harry chuckled, watching the Commander with a twinkle in his eye.

Tapping his badge, Tom comm’ed the Captain with a huge smile. “I have in invitation from Andrew and Linnis Kim,” he informed Kate. “They cordially invite our three little monsters to join them on the holodeck for a play date.”

“Get Kes to come by and help me get the terrors ready and you have a deal, Commander,” Kate stated. “By the way, your rations are paying for dinner. Captain out.”

Trying to hide his mirth, Harry clapped Tom on the back. It seemed they were just as friendly in this reality, especially with the bond of children. “Not worth the trouble of fighting with the wife, Paris. I learnt that eighteen months ago when Kes proposed to me, in a roundabout way.” Ensign Kim chuckled at his superior officer’s frown, adding, “look on the bright side, Tom, you didn’t have to go through the pregnancy and birth part.”

 _It didn’t make a difference,_ Tom’s mind supplied the next morning as he woke up next to Kate once again and called for the Stardate, _mixing things up and joining the Kim’s on the holodeck. I wonder what I can try today?_

Day 32: “Commander,” Chakotay nodded as Tom exited his quarters.

“Chakotay,” Tom responded. More at ease with the designation and privilege that came with the rank, he no longer flinched internally every time someone used the title. This was not the first time he’d run into the First Officer exiting his quarters. The Indian’s lack of cutting commentary still put Paris on edge. It seemed they put their animosity towards each other away very early in the voyage. “Just coming off duty?” Tom asked conversationally.

“I left the bridge in the more than capable hands of Lt. Rollins,” the First officer grinned. “It’s time to get a little shut eye before B’Elanna gets done with her engines. Hey,” Chakotay pointed to the door Commander Paris exited, “I though today was family day.”

“It is,” Tom grinned, patting his stomach. The hours of workouts were proving effective for his reflexes but not changing the shape of his physique. That seemed to reset with the day. “Have to get my training in before the wife and kids wake.”

Laughing, Chakotay shook his head. “Better you than me. You know Torres! She’s provides enough of a workout.”

“If I was to find out,” Tom chuckled, jogging towards the turbolift, “both you and my wife would kill me.”

While waiting for the doors to open, Tom found it hard to except the easy friendship between himself and Chakotay. _Then again_ , Paris considered, _without the First Officer’s feelings for the Captain getting in the way, and the alternative history between us, why shouldn’t we have become friends. What I can’t believe is Chakotay and B’Elanna sleeping together._

Sharing a bed with his wife was creating another problem. With each passing day in such close quarters, Tom Paris understood how easily his alter ego had fallen for the woman. They shared some heated kisses but Thomas Paris still felt the time wasn’t right to take their relationship further.

 _At least_ , he thought, entering the holodeck and the training programme he’d found under Commander Paris’s name, _every time Kate looks at me with that questioning gaze when I refused to make love to her, she’s forgotten the hurt by the next night. One of these days, she’s going to get what she wants and I won’t be able to return to my own reality. God, I’m falling for her, and hard._

Day 103: Personal Log Commander Thomas Eugene Paris.

Last night I finally found the courage to make love to my wife. It’s taken over one hundred nights lying beside her to realise just how much I care for this woman. I guess it was the same for my counterpart. While Kate is similar to Captain Janeway, there are subtle differences not attributed to the fact we have three children together. This Kate is softer, less isolated. She doesn’t expect to live a solitary life but engages with all three commanders on this ship. One of us joins her at every meal. Apparently, I set up the roster very early in _Voyager’s_ journey home. She smiles more, accepts input from the senior staff. The most astounding fact is the friendship between Kate and B’Elanna, caused, I’m told, by my pining for my wife while undercover on _Val Jean_.

My greatest fear is returning to my previous life now I’ve started to feel a part of this one. I’ve mastered Commander Paris’s most difficult hand to hand combat programs. I can recite his missions verbatim. I’ve questioned Kate on every aspect of our twelve-year marriage and my childhood. Sometimes she just looks at me when I ask a question I should know, but answers it anyway. If tomorrow ever happens, I’ll be ready to live Commander Paris’s life. This log entry might actually exist as proof of my fantastic and completely unbelievable journey.

Day 148: _I hope this never ends!_

Waking in a tangle of naked limbs, a smile covered Thomas Paris’s lips. Checking the Stardate, as expected, he’d be reliving this day, yet again. It would be over an hour before the kids woke and he had every intention of making good use of that time.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Tom whispered in Kate’s ear, his hands straying into intimate territory and waking his wife slowly.

“It will be,” she reached between them, finding him at attention.

Sometime in the last month, waking with a gorgeous woman in his arms became normal. Making love to her natural. Calling Kate is wife, instinctive. Tom realised he could do this every day for the rest of his life.

“I love you, Kate,” Tom whispered before allowing their intimacy to progress further. He wanted his Kate to know he meant the words, felt them in his heart.

“I know,” she smiled, taking his lips in a searing kiss.

Day 199: _What the hell am I doing wrong_? Commander Tom Paris pleaded with any deity willing to listen. _It’s been over six months of reliving the same day. Just tell me what I’m supposed to learn or do or accomplish to make it end._

The day followed the same pattern as those before. Kathryn and Tom Pairs took their children to the Holodeck for a morning of playing in the sunshine. They returned home, spending an hour in bed making love once again. The evening consisted of family time. They fell into bed exhausted after finally getting three cranky children to sleep.

 _I’ve changed every conceivable variable_ , Tom mentally scolded himself. _What more can I do? I want to move forward with this life, my new life. I want to see my children grow. Is that asking too much?_

Day 201: It started the same way, with Tom Paris waking beside his beautiful wife. They made love, showered and dressed before going to wake their sleepy children. After breakfast in the Captain’s quarters, the family spent the morning on the holodeck. Tom had finally perfected the riverside playground program. Taken from twentieth century Earth, the park was designed to keep five one-year olds and two rapidly growing half Ocampan’s perfectly happy. Crawling around the closed in playground, Grace, Jane and Edward soon exhausted themselves, especially when joined by Andrew and Linnis Kim and Naomi and Rachael Wildman. It seemed when Harry came across from an alternative _Voyager_ , he brought Sam’s daughter with him, only the one in his reality had also, miraculously, survived thanks to the EMH’s quick thinking.

“You take Edward,” Kate attempted to hand off the only male child after waving good bye to their friends and playmates.

Allowing his eye brow to rise, this event had never occurred in all the time’s Tom lived this day. Usually, when the visited the holodeck, he carried both girls home. “Okay,” he smiled, lifting the boy into his arms. “Are you sure you can cope with Jane and Grace? They’re getting heavy.”

“I can manage,” Kathryn smirked.

“I have no doubt you can,” Tom grinned back. “I just want to take the load off you whenever I can.”

“Tom,” Kathryn’s tone warned. He’d learnt of all the other ways this Tom Paris attempted to decrease his wife’s burden, agreed with them and attempted to add more.

“I love you, you know that right,” he’d learnt to say the words and they were coming more easily now. Greeted by an eye roll, Tom place his free arm around Kate’s shoulders and pulled his wife into his body. They walked all the way back to their quarters that way. Not one of the crew seemed surprised at the sight.

After placing the babies in their cots for a well-deserved nap, Tom refused to leave the room. Kate came up behind him, placing her arms around his waist. Locking their fingers together, he couldn’t get enough of watching the tiny beings created with half his genetics.

“Do you ever wonder,” Tom asked in a quiet, reverent tone, “what our life would have been like without them in it.”

“You mean,” Kate teased, “no 0300 feeds and diaper changes. No milk vomits on every surface. No walking the living room with three teething kids for the entire night and still showing up on the bridge in the morning. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Me either,” Tom whispered.

“What’s gotten into you, Tom,” Kate asked. “You’ve been very pensive today.”

“I just wonder how many other versions of us are out there,” he commented. “How many alternative realities, like Harry and Sam’s daughter. There might be some were we never end up together, or worse, seventy thousand light years apart.”

“We’re not living any of those,” Kate squeezed her husband, hard. “We’re right here, right now. I love you. I know I don’t say it enough but it’s true. I wouldn’t want to change a thing.”

“Me either,” Tom sighed, before allowing a broad grin to erupt on his face. “Let’s use this opportunity. Computer, play something slow and romantic, with a beat we can dance to.”

Strains of an old orchestral piece floated through the sound system. Forcing Kate to release her hold, Tom twirled her around. Taking is wife in his arms, Commander Paris started to dance, their bodies moulded together.

_I'll always remember the song they were playin'  
The first time we danced and I knew  
As we swayed to the music and held to each other  
I fell in love with you_

_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?  
Would you be my partner every night?  
When we're together it feels so right  
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_

_I'll always remember that magic moment  
When I held you close to me  
As we moved together, I knew forever  
You're all I'll ever need_

_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?  
Would you be my partner every night?  
When we're together it feels so right  
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_

When the last strain of music ended, Tom carried Kate to their bedroom. They made love softly, passionately. Spending the afternoon with their children, Tom knew he didn’t want this day, or these feelings, to end.

“Why did you choose the song we danced to at our wedding?” Kate asked as they readied for bed. When Tom shrugged his shoulders, Kathryn paused to look at him curiously. “Is it because tomorrow is our anniversary”

Lying awake long after his wife slept, Tom finally understood the significance of tomorrow. Sixteen years ago, they’d made love for the first time. According to Kate he’d been a gangly, overly confident and viraginous seventeen-year-old. Yet, that same day, Tom had told Kathryn that she’d be his wife when he finished at Starfleet.

_If only that were truly my life!_


	5. Lessons Learnt

It had been so long, that when Lt. Paris woke in his own bed, in his own quarters on deck four, he was momentarily shocked. Six months, three weeks and seventeen hours spent as Commander Thomas Paris, _Voyager’s_ Intelligence officer and husband to the Captain, it started to feel natural. Reaching out a hand, the space beside him empty, Tom’s heart and mind felt the loss. His breathing and cardiac rate increasing wildly, Paris felt the pain slice through him with the acuity of an old fashioned scapple, minus the anaesthetic.

There wouldn’t be an early morning interlude preceding family time. No small touches from Kate, a secret smile shared between long time lovers. That look she gave him at the oddest moments, letting Tom know the emotions held so tightly behind her stoic Captain’s mask. He missed Kate Paris already. He missed the intimacy of a wife and lover. Mr. Paris’s mind refused to even consider the three tiny beings that had wormed their way into his heart.

On this _Voyager_ , once Lt. Paris walked out his door, the crew would look at him with suspicion, his history well known. It didn’t matter that he’d saved the ship several times, agreed to leave because Kate…Captain Janeway asked it of him to flush out a spy or rescued the entire crew from spending the rest of their lives on Hanon IV. He was still just Tom Paris, Starfleet washout, Ex-Maquis, and major screwup.

Sighing, Tom felt like pulling the blankets over his head and burying his face in his pillow until this reality disappeared or he stopped breathing. Even now the tears well in his eyes. He needed a distraction, anything to end the searing pain tearing apart his mind, heart and soul.

Yet, he knew that wasn’t possible. This pain would always be a part of him. Knowing what was possible but not able to grasp it in this reality.

Getting up, he requested the Stardate, only to find he was reliving the same day, yet again, this time on his _Voyager_. _Just my luck_ , Tom’s mind supplied sarcastically. A particular part of his anatomy standing to attention at the thought of a more pleasurable start to the day, Tom took care of his own morning glory in a real, hot water shower, to hell with the cost in energy rations. He needed to make himself feel human at any cost, or at least not remember a much more pleasant existence. At some point, he’d decided to see if the Holodeck was free. Because most of the crew were still sleeping off the Nistrim attack, or at their yellow alert stations, it was currently unoccupied.

Four hours later, his com badge chirped. “Kim to Paris.”

“I’m in holodeck two, Harry,” Tom stated, closing down the program he’d been working on and trying to keep the despondency from his tone. Activating Sandrine’s didn’t help. He and Kate had come here on three occasions, when they’d managed to lure someone into baby-sitting, and finished up making love on the pool table. Apparently, it had been a great stress reliever for them in times when Commander and Captain Paris were at professional odds. It reminded them of happier times. Just as everything on this _Voyager_ reminded him of a life he could never have.

“Torres is with me,” Harry warned. Although his friends had warmed to each other while working on the Transwarp project, they still tended to rub each other the wrong way. Secretly, Ensign Kim thought they’d make a great couple, if either would ever let their guard down.

“B’Elanna’s welcome if she’s finished with the repairs on her engines. I’m running Sandrine’s,” Tom informed them, recalling all the time’s he made a point of getting to know the other Harry and B’Elanna in the casual location. In essence their personalities weren’t all that different, even if their lives and loves were.

“What’s gotten into you, Paris,” Torres demanded, leaning over her cue and allowing her piercing eyes to spear him. They’d played one round of pool, yet Tom’s attention wasn’t on the game. His eyes glazed over, Lt. Paris was losing, soundly and his completive streak was missing altogether.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, B’Elanna,” Tom smirked, but the emotion didn’t show in his expressive eyes. However, it did give Lt. Paris an idea. In the day he’d relived over two hundred times, the Captain always had today off. However, this Kathryn wouldn’t stand down until the repairs to her ship were complete because she had no one to go home to. Which meant she must be ready to leave the bridge about now because Torres wouldn’t leave her engine room in anything but top shape. “I have to go.”

“Tom,” Harry called as the arch appeared and his friend walked out. Looking back at Torres, she shrugged and continued her shot. “Should we go after him?” the confused Ensign asked.

“He’ll work it out, Harry,” B’Elanna stated with a frown. She knew that pain, the hurt in Paris’s expression. Somehow, he’d lost his heart and the silly woman had crushed it.

“Computer,” Tom requested the moment the holodeck doors closed behind him, “location of Captain Janeway.”

“Captain Janeway is in her ready room.”

Smirking for the first time today, Tom suddenly found his mind formulating a plan. Making his way to the bridge, he used the back entrance to the Captain’s private office. As he used the call bell, Lt. Paris felt his heart rate increase as the adrenalin surged through his veins. He knew his actions wouldn’t change the outcome, but he needed to show Kate the possibility that she could be happy and the highest-ranking officer on _Voyager_ at the same time.

“Come,” her gravelly voice echoed from the comm. Looking up to see Tom Paris entering, Kathryn’s confusion coloured her tired expression. “What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

“Give me the pleasure of your company for half an hour before you go off duty for a well-earned rest,” Tom gave his most disarming smile.

“And why would I do that?” Kathryn sighed, feeling exhausted. She been on duty almost thirty hours and was looking forward to a warm bath, followed by several hours blissful slumber.

“Because I know you might have caught a few minutes sleep on your couch, which isn’t enough for anyone after the day we had,” Tom ensured he kept his tone light and teasing.

“How would you know that, Mr. Paris,” Janeway allowed her eyebrow to rise, intrigued by his audacity.

“Let me show you, Captain,” Tom offered his arm in an old-fashioned gesture.

Unable to resist her Chief Pilot’s gallantry and more than a little amused by his unusual offer, Kathryn allowed herself to be led to the holodeck. Tom didn’t call up a program on entering the space. Instead he positioned the Captain in the middle of the space and took a step away.

“Do you ever wonder,” Tom asked in a faraway tone, “what other time lines are out there? What a difference one decision could make to our lives? If there are other versions of us, existing under very different circumstances.”

Snorting, the scientist in Kathryn Janeway pounced. “That has been a theory explored by researcher and writers alike over many centuries and cultures. There is no evidence that divergent timelines exist, yet imagination continues to explore the possibility in poems and stories in almost every culture.”

“That,” Tom couldn’t contain his glee, “is exactly what I expected you to say. I want to show you the reality, the alternative possibility I’ve been living for the last two hundred and one days. Computer, commence program Ground Hog Day.”

As the holodeck flickered into life, Tom explained, “I named it after a late twentieth century movie where the central character lives the same day over and over again until he gets everything perfect. Only then does the story conclude with the required happy ending. I’m not sure mine will.”

Before their eyes, a river appeared and slowly wound its way through lush green hills. Some of the low mounds were covered in thick trees, others in scrub land. On the banks open areas for recreation appeared. Before them a fenced off area existed with old fashioned swings and climbing equipment.

“It’s called River Park Play Ground. I programmed it for _Voyager’s_ children,” Tom stated, turning to see an arch appear near the entry to the closed off area.

Before Captain Janeway could comment that her vessel currently held only one child, Naomi Wildman, her alter ego entered carrying a squirming one year old dressed in blue. Behind her, Mr. Paris appeared with two pink wrapped bundles. They entered the playground together, laughing and smiling.

“Full Commander Tom and Captain Kate Paris,” Tom explained softly. “Married twelve years. The met as children, he chose to graduate in the Intelligence stream so he wouldn’t be in his wife’s command structure. Going undercover on a Maquis ship, she was sent to bring him home. Only the Caretaker took both vessels to the Delta quadrant. The rest of that _Voyager’s_ history is pretty much the same as ours.”

“The children,” Kathryn finally found her voice.

“Chakotay couldn’t leave them behind when he rescued their hyper-evolved parents,” Tom explained. He could see the moment Kate understood his meaning. “It didn’t seem fare to leave them behind, especially as their mother and father had been married eleven years and remained childless.”

The program moved forward with a word from Tom. Harry, Kes and their children entered, followed a few moment later by Sam Wildman and her identical twins. The adults stood in a group, happily chatting as Andrew and Linnis Kim, as the oldest, watched over the babies happily exploring their new environment.

Beside her, Lt. Thomas Paris explained how it all came about in slow, careful words. How a single decision at the age of sixteen put him on a path to a much happier life. They both stood transfixed as he recounted the major points of Tom and Kate Paris’s story.

“I know this reality can never occur in our timeline,” Tom stated mournfully. “I just wanted to show you what was possible, how much you could be loved and how much love you have to give. The only reason this Captain can sustain a marriage is because it occurred prior to getting lost in the Delta quadrant. There is no issue with fraternisation because the relationship was sanctioned by Starfleet. We can’t have what they have, it’s not possible, even if I learnt to love that woman with all my heart. We can’t go back and get our offspring and even if we could, it wouldn’t change anything. We are not them.”

“Then why did you bring me here, Tom,” Kathryn asked, so many emotions playing across her face. “What is your point?”

“Do you remember at the end of the warp ten fiasco, in sick bay, I told you I’d finally learnt it wasn’t what other people thought of me that mattered,” he stated, eyes only for the family in the simulation before him, “but what I thought of myself. It took me more than two hundred days, experiencing the same events over and over again, trying to change them, only to come to the realisation that its what’s on the inside that counts. While I can never have Kate Paris as my wife and the three children who love me in this reality, I know I’m a better man for having experienced what might have been. I can be Commander Thomas Paris if that’s what I want. I know what it is to trust completely, to make myself vulnerable to another, to be loved and allow myself to love unreservedly.”

“Computer end program and delete.” Turning to the Captain, Tom took her hands in his, “thank you, for giving me a second chance. For allowing me to become the man I always wanted to be. It’s the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. Although, I can’t have exactly what Commander Paris achieved in his life, I can aspire to it. I know it’s possible and I deserve to be happy, no matter what my past contains.”

Not sure what to say, Kathryn Janeway allowed Lt. Tom Paris to kiss her forehead and walk away. The echo of childish laughter echoed in her ears as he exited through the arch and his program faded into obscurity. Standing on an empty holodeck, she had to wonder what would have happened if it had been her who’d been caught in this alternative reality. The revelation too much to think about and her fatigue mounting, the Captain returned to her quarters.

 _Tom’s right_ , was her last thought before dropping into a dreamless sleep, _that life can never be in this reality. But maybe in the future…._


End file.
